By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize
