Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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