If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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