Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
