Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
