is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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