I am in a vortex of obligation.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
lets start a swedish sibling band together
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He passed out mid-signature
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
