I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
