this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
