Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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