All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
