so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
