I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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