Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
