You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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