i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
