Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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