I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
