It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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