you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
