your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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