I didn't shave. On purpose
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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