They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
