my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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