I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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