I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
