How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
