everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I would ride that face into the sunset
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
