It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
