so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
