I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
