He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
