Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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