I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
