Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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