he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
