How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED