She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?