The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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