dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life