Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk is not a location!
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