the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
