I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
