I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize