i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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