btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
