you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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