they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she smelled like a LAN party
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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