WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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