Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
