just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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