ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
