Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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