I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sorry about my life...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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