4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
