I wish I only lived at night.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hippo gnu deer
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i out mim tonsoeep
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
