we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
