Well douche your snatch and let's go!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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