he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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