R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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