did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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