He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
