Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
