She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
