her vagine was all disorganized.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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