2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
