i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
