It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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